18+ Only. Play Responsibly.
The fourth host walked onto the set and won twelve more episodes of himself.
The Free Spins counter jumped.
The man in the blue suit grinned into his microphone.
Behind him, gold stars flashed around a giant wheel.
Gameshow Party had apparently reached the part of television where the contestant, prize and presenter were all the same man.
He had just collected an 20x MONEY symbol and a 2x MONEY symbol.
At €0.40, that was €8.80 in cash values.
A line through the host added another €1.60.
€10.40 from the spin.
More importantly:
host number four.
Another twelve Free Spins.
The next batch would collect MONEY at 2x.
I had reached that point with €25.80.
It had started considerably less glamorous.
€29.80.
€0.40 per spin.
A five-reel stage surrounded by enough pink neon, gold stars and flashing bulbs to make the rotary telephone on the reels look even more confused about what decade it had entered.
The symbols were magnificent nonsense.
Microphone.
Telephone.
Cocktails beneath palm trees.
Sports car.
Cash.
Cards.
Then A, K, Q, J and 10, apparently invited because somebody still needed to answer the easy questions.
The host himself stayed away from the base reels.
His face was reserved for the Wild inside Free Spins.
That seemed very game-show appropriate.
He did not mingle with the contestants until the cameras were properly rolling.
I left the extra-Scatter option alone.
The BUY FREE SPINS sign could continue glowing by itself.
Spin.
A microphone.
Two phones.
Nothing.
Another spin gave a small card-symbol line.
€0.40 back.
A few spins later, three microphones lined up for another €0.40.
The game had microphones everywhere but nobody using them.
The host was still absent.
A red sports car appeared twice on one spin without enough company to matter.
It had somehow reached television before I had.
Then came two cocktail symbols, a phone and another phone.
The reels looked less like a quiz show and more like somebody had emptied the prize cupboard onto a television set.
Seventeen paid spins cost €6.80.
The little line wins returned €2.40.
Balance:
€25.40.
Then the stars arrived.
Scatter on reel two.
Scatter on reel four.
No third.
Two giant BONUS stars glowing on the stage.
Gameshow Party did not immediately let them disappear.
A podium rose.
One reel physically shifted upward.
I watched a game show solve a missing-Scatter problem by moving the furniture underneath the reel.
The reel lifted.
A BONUS star came into view.
Third Scatter.
There it was.
No difficult question.
No contestant shouting an answer.
The podium had simply pushed the correct symbol onto television.
The triggering spin also carried a little €0.80 line win.
Balance:
€25.80.
Ten Free Spins would normally have followed.
The show added modifiers before the lights came up.
More Cash.
+2 Spins.
That was enough.
Twelve spins.
More MONEY symbols.
The host could deal with the rest.
First Free Spin:
cards and cocktails.
No host.
Second:
the presenter arrived.
Blue suit.
Perfect hair.
Microphone ready.
Beside him sat MONEY values of 5x and 10x.
Every host collected every MONEY value showing.
€2 from the 5x.
€4 from the 10x.
€6 collected.
A small line through the Wild added €0.80.
€6.80.
Host count:
one.
He had been on screen for one spin and already taken all the money.
Excellent presenter.
A few quieter spins followed.
Then host number two landed with a 2x and a 15x cash symbol.
€0.80.
€6.
The host swept both.
€6.80.
Another €0.40 came from the line.
€7.20.
Two hosts collected.
The wheel behind the stage kept flashing as though any of this were normal.
Host number three arrived later with a single 5x MONEY symbol.
€2 collected.
A line added €1.20.
€3.20.
Three.
Now I wanted the fourth host more than I wanted the car.
The car could sit there looking expensive.
The microphone could shine.
The telephone could ring 1987.
I wanted another man in the blue suit.
He arrived on Free Spin ten.
Host.
20x MONEY.
2x MONEY.
€8.
€0.80.
Collected.
Then the Wild completed another €1.60 line.
€10.40.
And the fourth-host counter triggered.
Twelve more spins.
The MONEY collection multiplier increased to 2x for the new batch.
The presenter had received a reward for appearing four times.
The reward was more opportunities to appear.
The original twelve spins still had two left.
They produced another €1.20 between them.
First batch total:
€28.80.
The next twelve began.
Now every cash value a host collected was doubled.
It did not take long for that to become dangerous.
Host number five landed.
One MONEY symbol.
25x.
At €0.40, the cash value was €10.
The level-two collection multiplier doubled it.
€20.
A little host-assisted line added €0.80.
€20.80.
One television presenter had just looked at one pile of cash and turned a €0.40 spin into more money than I had lost before the feature.
The wheel spun behind him.
Gold stars flashed.
The microphone remained available in case anybody wanted an explanation.
Nobody did.
Host number six arrived with two MONEY symbols.
5x.
10x.
€2 plus €4.
€6.
Doubled:
€12.
Another €0.80 line.
€12.80.
The presenter had now developed the financial property of a photocopier.
Money appeared.
He collected it.
The show doubled it.
Nobody asked a question.
Later, host number seven appeared without MONEY.
That created a different problem.
The presenter was ready.
The cash had missed rehearsal.
The show responded with a wheel event.
Symbols changed around him.
A paying group emerged and the spin finished with €1.20.
The host had effectively stood there until the television set rearranged itself into something he could present.
Seven.
One more.
The feature continued.
There were cars.
Cocktails.
Phones.
One spin produced enough microphones to suggest the show was preparing for a panel discussion.
Still no eighth host.
Then he arrived.
Host number eight.
One MONEY symbol.
10x.
€4.
At level two:
€8 collected.
Another €0.80 from the line.
€8.80.
Eight hosts.
The counter fired again.
Twelve more Free Spins.
MONEY collection moved to 3x.
The feature still had a couple of small line payments left in the second batch, bringing that stretch to €45.60.
I had now watched eight copies of the same presenter walk onto one game show.
The prize for the eighth was a third batch featuring further copies of him.
Gameshow Party was becoming less of a television programme and more of a host reproduction mechanism.
The third batch started at 3x collection.
Every MONEY symbol now had three times the problem if a host appeared beside it.
Host number nine found a 5x cash symbol.
€2 value.
Tripled:
€6.
A line through the Wild added €0.80.
€6.80.
There he was again.
Same suit.
Same microphone.
Same ability to look completely unsurprised that his own presence was multiplying money.
A few spins later, host number ten landed with 2x and 5x MONEY symbols.
€0.80 plus €2.
€2.80.
Tripled:
€8.40.
A small line added €0.40.
€8.80.
Ten hosts.
Two away from another retrigger.
Another Wild landed later.
Host eleven.
No cash.
The show could not allow that.
The wheel appeared again and rearranged the stage around him.
Symbols changed.
A paying line formed.
€1.60.
Eleven.
I needed one more host for the next threshold.
That would have pushed the collection multiplier all the way to 10x and thrown another batch of spins onto the stage.
The remaining spins became a manhunt conducted entirely with studio lighting.
Cocktails.
Phone.
Car.
Cash symbol.
No host.
That one hurt differently.
There was money sitting on the screen and the only man capable of turning it into a 3x collection had apparently gone backstage.
Another spin.
Microphones.
Cards.
No host.
Another little line win.
The batch accumulated another €4 in ordinary payments.
Last Free Spin.
A rotary phone landed.
A cocktail.
Two card symbols.
Cash.
No presenter.
Host count:
eleven.
The lights slowed.
No twelfth host.
No 10x collection level.
No fourth batch.
Third batch total:
€21.20.
The full Free Spins paid €95.60.
Balance:
€121.40.
I had entered with €25.80.
The blue-suited man had spent thirty-six Free Spins repeatedly walking onto his own set, collecting piles of money, winning additional airtime for appearing often enough, and eventually failing to show up once when his absence mattered most.
The ordinary reels returned.
No host.
Just telephones, microphones, cocktails, cars and card symbols.
It felt vacant.
I gave the stage eight paid spins at the same €0.40.
The first two did nothing.
A small card line returned €0.40.
Another spin gave phones.
Later, microphones managed €0.80.
That was the lot.
Eight spins cost €3.20.
€1.20 came back.
Balance:
€119.40.
I stopped.
The final reels showed a telephone, a microphone, a red car and enough empty game-show lighting to make the host’s disappearance obvious.
The giant wheel was still behind them.
Gold stars still framed the stage.
The podium was back where it belonged.
No blue suit.
No microphone in his hand.
No MONEY pile waiting to be collected three times.
For thirty-six free spins, Gameshow Party had rewarded the host for appearing by giving him more opportunities to appear.
Then, one host short of the 10x level, he finally did the one thing television presenters are not supposed to do.
He missed the show.
Rubies of Egypt made me feel like an unpaid intern in a slot machine.