18+ Only. Play Responsibly.
The +10 had arrived.
The beer woman had not.
Ten Free Games sat on the reels in the middle of Oktoberfest while the only person capable of collecting them was apparently somewhere else carrying two full mugs.
Reel five stopped.
J.
That was it.
The +10 disappeared.
I had just watched ten Free Games die because beer service was unavailable.
This immediately gave me a problem.
I was playing €1.00 from a €120 balance.
Oktober Cash had beer mugs, pretzels, bright festival streets, bunting, barrels and one blonde woman holding enough lager to make both hands unavailable for anything except becoming the most important symbol in the entire game.
She only collected from reel five in the base game.
Everything else could arrive first.
Cash.
Diamonds.
Free Games.
The woman still had to turn up.
That meant I stopped caring about the valuable objects individually.
Every time one landed, my eyes went straight to reel five.
€3 Cash Prize.
Reel five:
Q.
Gone.
A +4.
Reel five:
portrait.
Gone.
A diamond appeared on reel three.
Reel five slowed.
Beer mug Wild.
Very festive.
Completely useless to the diamond.
Gone.
The woman herself eventually appeared with no coin symbols anywhere else.
There she was.
Two beers.
Perfect timing for absolutely nothing.
I paid another euro.
A small combination returned €2.40.
Beer mugs helped connect it.
The balance moved around €114.
Then €111.60.
The festival remained cheerful.
I had begun treating reel five as a doorway through which one specific person was repeatedly arriving either six seconds too early or one spin too late.
A €5 Cash Prize appeared.
No woman.
Next spin:
woman.
No Cash Prize.
She stood there smiling with two beers while the rest of the reels contained letters.
This had become deliberate.
Not mathematically.
Personally.
At €108.20, another Free Games coin landed.
+7.
I ignored everything else.
Reel five.
The first four reels had managed to produce seven extra spins.
The fifth produced A.
Seven more vanished.
The woman returned two spins later beside nothing useful.
She had apparently heard about the emergency and waited until it was over.
I stayed at €1.00 for several more rounds.
A few lines paid €1.80 and €3.20.
A Wild beer mug appeared on reel three and helped with €4.
The balance still slid to €103.40.
Then a +3 and a €2 Cash Prize landed together.
Reel five stopped on the woman’s portrait.
Not the Beer Collect version.
Just her face.
That was worse.
The correct human being had technically arrived.
She had forgotten the beer.
Nothing was collected.
I opened Extra Bet.
€1.20.
Twenty cents more per spin specifically to improve the attendance of one woman who was already standing all over the artwork.
I turned it on.
First spin:
nothing.
Second:
€2.40.
Third:
Beer Collect on reel five.
No coins.
She had responded immediately to the increased expenditure and brought absolutely nothing home.
Fourth spin.
A +1 landed.
Reel five gave me K.
Fifth.
Cash Prize.
No collector.
Sixth.
Nothing.
I was now paying extra to recreate the same staffing problem at a higher stake.
€99.80.
A beer mug Wild helped a line for €3.60.
€102.20.
Then two blanks.
€99.80.
At €96.20, a diamond landed on the second reel.
The woman missed it.
There are few sights more unnecessary than a loose diamond sitting inside a beer festival while the woman specifically designed to collect it is absent.
The diamond vanished.
A pretzel appeared next spin.
Nobody needed to collect the pretzel.
The pretzel was perfectly self-sufficient.
€94.60.
Then the reels gave me a +4.
Beside it, a +2.
I immediately looked at reel five.
Beer Collect.
There she was.
Two mugs.
Six Free Games.
After all the +10s and +7s that had been left scattered around town, she had finally arrived for six.
Fine.
Six was apparently the number of spins the beer woman could carry without spilling anything.
My balance after the triggering spin was €91.40.
The Free Games started.
The first spin changed the entire relationship immediately.
Beer Collect landed on reel two.
And stayed there.
The woman was no longer restricted to appearing on reel five and disappearing.
She had planted herself on the reels with both beers.
That was one permanent collector.
A €1.20 Cash Prize landed elsewhere.
Collected.
One woman.
One coin.
A relationship I could understand.
Second Free Spin.
Nothing useful.
The Beer Collect remained.
Still holding both mugs.
No visible consumption.
Impressive stamina.
Third spin.
Another Beer Collect landed.
Reel four.
Locked.
Now there were two of them.
Same woman.
Same beer.
Two separate positions.
Oktoberfest had solved its staffing shortage through duplication.
A €1.20 Cash Prize landed on the same spin.
Both collectors took it.
€2.40.
The thing I had spent the base game begging to appear once had now appeared twice and was charging at every coin from two directions.
Next spin.
A +4 Free Games coin landed.
There were two locked Beer Collect symbols waiting.
Both took it.
The counter jumped by eight.
The +4 had arrived intending to be four.
It had encountered two women with beer.
Now it was eight.
That was the exact moment Oktober Cash stopped being a beer festival and became a cloning experiment with refreshments.
The two collectors stayed.
Then a third Beer Collect landed.
Reel one.
Locked.
Three women.
Six beers.
Nobody leaving.
The next useful coin was +2.
Three collectors took it.
Six more spins.
The +2 had been mugged by arithmetic.
I watched the counter climb again.
The feature had originally started with six Free Games.
It had now reached the stage where small +spin symbols were being intercepted by a crowd.
A €1.20 Cash Prize landed.
Three collectors.
€3.60.
The reels flashed.
The three women remained in position holding their drinks with the extraordinary composure of people who had just tripled a coin without putting either mug down.
Then came the diamond.
One blue diamond landed near the middle.
Three Beer Collect symbols were already locked.
The first collector took it.
MINI.
€12.00.
The second dealt with the same diamond.
MINI.
Another €12.00.
Then the third arrived.
MINOR.
€30.00.
One diamond.
Three women.
€54.00.
I had spent half the base game watching diamonds vanish because nobody brought beer to reel five.
Now one diamond had arrived in a feature with three copies of the beer woman and lasted about three seconds.
The festival total jumped.
My original six Free Games were still refusing to end.
A later +1 appeared.
Three collectors.
Three extra spins.
The +1 had barely touched the reels before becoming +3 through exposure to beer.
The festival streets continued glowing behind everything.
Pretzels remained around the edges.
Beer mugs appeared as Wilds.
None of them had the same authority anymore.
The session belonged to three identical women holding six identical beers and refusing to let a numbered coin pass unattended.
A fourth Beer Collect threatened on one spin but missed.
Three were enough.
Four would have required another pair of mugs and probably a larger festival.
The counter eventually began moving down.
Then a +3 landed.
No new collector.
The existing three were waiting.
Nine additional Free Games.
The +3 had become nine.
The woman on reel one collected it.
The woman on reel two collected it.
The woman on reel four collected it.
Oktoberfest had become impossible to leave because every request for three more spins was being approved three times.
The extra rounds wandered through several blanks.
A few ordinary symbols connected.
Then a €2.40 Cash Prize landed.
Three collectors took it.
€7.20.
The feature total moved again.
A little later, one of the paylines added €2.40.
That took the feature to €74.40.
After that, the numbered coins finally stopped appearing.
The counter began shrinking without somebody multiplying it back upward.
Five.
Four.
Nothing useful.
Three.
Beer mug Wild.
Small connection already contained inside the running total.
Two.
Blank.
One.
No coin.
The three Beer Collect women remained locked in position until the final Free Spin ended.
Then all three vanished together.
Six beers removed from the reels.
The festival finally had staff available somewhere else again.
Feature total:
€74.40.
Balance:
€165.80.
I had started with €120.
Spent my way down to €91.40 waiting for the correct woman to arrive with two beers.
Then she had arrived.
Then another one arrived.
Then another.
After that, +4 stopped meaning four.
+2 stopped meaning two.
A diamond met the same beer woman three times.
And +3 somehow became nine more Free Spins.
The base game returned.
Extra Bet was still sitting there at €1.20.
The reels were clear.
No locked collectors.
No coins.
No diamond.
The ordinary festival had resumed.
I stopped.
I had spent the first half of Oktober Cash wishing the beer woman would turn up.
By the end, there were three of her permanently holding six mugs while one +3 Free Games sign accidentally extended Oktoberfest by nine spins.
That was enough beer service for one session.
Pirots broke probability, then blamed me.